Sunday, 7 February 2010

The Manifestation of Grace


If you’re like me, there are certain words that are part of your common vocabulary, but if you were asked to give a definition, you’d be hard-pressed to do so. For me, one of those words is “Grace”. I know it’s something we all need, some more than others, some times more than at others; that it’s a gift, and character trait of God. But what is it exactly? It does me little good to know it’s a gift if I never open it, or open it but don’t know what to do with it. It would be like receiving a priceless device that would solve every problem in life that I don’t know how to operate.
According to the dictionary, grace is: “favour or good will; a manifestation of favour; pardon; the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them; moral strength.”
Taking these definitions, new depths are revealed in familiar scriptures:
Proverbs 1:9 – (Parents’ wise instructions) will be a garland (decoration, adornment) of favour and moral strength.
Proverbs 3:34 – God mocks the proud mockers but gives a manifestation of favour to the humble.
John 1:17 – “A manifestation of favour, the influence of God to regenerate and strengthen” as well as truth came through Jesus Christ.
2. Corinthians 12:9 – “My grace (by every definition) is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

This last verse is perhaps the key verse of what God’s grace is: Enough. No matter what I face, He will be there with the favour I need, the pardon, the regeneration, the strength, the moral stamina to see me through. When I need His physical grace, He is here. This comes first to mind because of the trials I face with the body I have while on this earth. I need His grace – the regenerating and strengthening favour of God made manifest – in my back. I need no less of His grace in other areas of my life, but the physical is often far more acute, and perhaps a reason why it’s there – to remind me to rely on Him, and not my own strength. Applying that to other aspects of life, I cannot but win. There is no catch in the grace of God; it is a gift given freely. But the more I experience, the more I draw close to Him. I begin to seek His face, not His hand, His character, not His gifts for the gifts alone but because of the Giver.

Monday, 25 January 2010

The Divine Risk


God loves risks. From the beginning of earthly time, He’s hung His highest hopes and desires on the frail creation called Humanity. His highest desire: to be our God, and for us to be His people.

Hebrews 8:10-12 (NIV)
10 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel... declares the Lord. I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.
11 "No longer will a man teach his neighbour, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord', because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest.
12 "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

But what does that mean? Modern ears might tend to hear that phrase as some kind of power game – that He wants to control me, or be in authority over me because He can. That’s the image many have of God.

But I don’t think that angle is an accurate one, given God’s character as revealed throughout scripture. I think a closer interpretation would be the use of a song in Sister Act I – “My God”. He wants to be my God just like my husband wants to be my man – my one and only, the one I wake up with every morning, the one I share my heart with, the one he can share his heart with, the one that goes through thick and thin together with me. God wants love; a love-relationship, a willing heart. That’s the ultimate reason He gave us a free will, nailing all His hopes on the chance to be loved freely, loved for who He is not because we must, but because we want to.

And it’s a twisted version of being made in the image of God, when someone “lords” it over others. Notice in Genesis 1:28 that God never gave mankind either the permission or the mandate to rule over other men; it’s only when a person “plays God” that abuse of power takes place.

Time and again throughout scripture God states plainly His desire: to be loved, to be their God, and they be His people. Even when he’s carrying out discipline in the Old Testament because the Israelites broke their covenant promise, His ultimate desire is to restore the relationship. From a human perspective “discipline” can seem like “force” – ‘do it my way or I’ll call down brimstone’ mentality. But the discipline comes out of a desire to make us fit for survival, to keep us from imploding in self-destruction. We’re the same way: if we see a loved one doing something harmful to themselves, we may even go to drastic measures to help them because we love them and it hurts to watch them hurting or even destroying themselves. Magnify that to a national scale and you begin to understand God’s necessity of intervening throughout Israel’s history.

God’s ultimate drastic measure was an act of sacrificial love: By becoming 100% man, the 100% Lord lived a life of example, then laid down His right to blast mankind off the face of the earth, even though many around Him wondered why He didn’t (Luke 23: 35,36,39) – human nature alone would have probably gone that path. But even in the face of a painful, horrific death (made even more so by the unparalleled experience of being separated for the first time ever – in the longest “ever” in existence – from his Trinity union), Jesus knew His ultimate goal: to reunite with His covenant partner…His once and future Bride.

The separation of Christ Jesus from the Trinity is something you and I can never even remotely begin to relate to. It would be on an ant-to-mammoth scale of you or I instantly losing our soul (our mind, will & emotions), all the while being fully aware of what we just lost. No matter how horrific we could imagine such a devastation it would pale in comparison to Jesus’ distress at that moment: becoming sin, the thing he’d never been, and loathed above all else, that very thing that had been robbing Him of His chance for perfect union with Humanity ever since Eden. He hung completely alone; God withdrew from Him, rending the Godhead apart. John 19:34 (NIV) describes the “sudden flow of blood and water” from His side as it was stabbed. I’m no medical expert, but from what I’ve heard from doctors on this subject, that separation only occurs when the heart has literally exploded prior to the release (stabbing). Jesus died of a broken heart. For me. For you. Because deep in the heart of God, Love never gives up.

1. Corinthians 13:13 (NIV) says it all: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

God has faith in us; He’s risked all to hope in being able to shower His love on us freely. He woos us with loving-kindness, patience, and even sometimes discipline, drawing us into the safety of His presence.


© 2010 Stephanie Hüsler
Photo: Taken in Chandolin, Switzerland, 2008

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Allegory of Amaranth

There is an island surrounded by precipitous cliffs, their sharp rocky roots beguilingly dangerous in high tide, and deadly in the low tide. There are no landing beaches, and the surf is by far too rough to even contemplate building a dock. Just beyond the horizon lies a sweet land of green fields; when the sun is just right you can see mirages of it reflecting on the waves in the distance, and when the wind is just right you can almost smell its greenness. There is but one single, narrow bridge, known as “The Crossing” that spans the gap allowing islanders to journey to the mainland. The island is called Ephemeral; the land beyond, Amaranth.

The inhabitants of Ephemeral are rather an odd mixture of two distinct people groups: On the one hand you have those who have never been across the bridge; on the other, those who have been across, have become citizens of Amaranth, and have returned to work on the island. With no visible distinction of rank or citizenship, it’s sometimes difficult to tell who belongs to which group. Now the first group falls into several sub-categories: There are those who are not even aware of the bridge but would go across if they knew; there are others who know of its existence but do not trust it or fear it, spending enormous amounts of time and energy futilely attempting to build their own way across; then there are those who simply don’t care either way, and they go about their lives knowing the bridge exists, but acting as if it didn’t and hoping that in the end it won’t make any difference.

The island of Ephemeral itself has an unusual geology: the substance of which it is made reacts to the elements of wind, water, sun and soil, which in turn cause it to shrink over time. Some experts say that this strata is not actually indigenous to its present location but was brought there by Amaranthians; in its home environment it actually expands. But the problem it poses for those inhabitants of Ephemeral is that they must eventually make the choice to accept The Crossing, or the choice will be made for them by the very fact that the island is being swallowed by the sea which surrounds it, called the Sea of Immortality.


Let us now look closer at the lives of a few select citizens of Ephemeral, and those of Amaranth who have chosen to live among them:

Narcia is a promising catch by all standards. She is young and beautiful, and knows it. She devotes her time and energy to promoting not only her own beauty but also the myths that have been carefully, strategically woven by the powerful moguls of Ephemeral which subtly dictate how people are to dress, think and behave. She is a willing advocate for, and unwitting pawn of, the campaign to saturate the market with images of ideal beauty (as unrealistic and photo-shopped as they may be), of ideal behaviour, and ideal mentalities toward everything, from spouses and marriage to which laundry detergent will give you perfect, spotless, sunny satisfaction in your home. She is quite easy to find in a crowd: she is the most seductively dressed no matter what the weather, the one posing for every moment as if a photographer were around every bush. Like her mother and grandmother before her she will grow old far too quickly, bitter at life and those who, though less beautiful and therefore by far less deserving in her opinion, have had more than their fair share of happiness and contentment in life. Her greatest fear is Age; her second greatest fear is The Crossing, because she has heard that on the other side of that bridge completely different rules apply and everything she values is completely worthless; the wealth of Ephemeral is only fit to line the gutters of Amaranth.

Which brings us to Pelf, another upstanding member of the community. He is a frail old man by now, but the most powerful on the island. His house is on the outskirts of the village atop a high hill; the house has seen far better days to the untrained eye, but to the initiated it holds the prestige of a bygone era. Inside, the house is grotesquely mismatched with golden ornaments, designer furniture and exclusive marks of distinction granted by those who obviously understand such fine taste. Though it is easy for most of the inhabitants to scoff at him behind his back, they are powerless to ignore him as he controls their sources of income (unless of course they are employed by companies based in Amaranth, which he loathes with every fibre of his being).

Pseudo is a close associate of both Narcia and Pelf. Pseudo owns one of two art studios in the town; he is usually outlandishly dressed, his fashion being a statement of his utterly aimless definitiveness. He is extremely knowledgeable about a wide variety of subjects that are, quite frankly, of no great value outside of his studio, though he is comforted by the faithful disciples of vanity who hang on his every word. His life is a lonely one as he tolerates no other opinion but his own while at the same time claiming to be open-minded, but unlike Narcia he maintains his youthful facade by adapting his jargon to the current issues, all the while peddling his empty philosophies and declaring just how satisfied he feels his empty life really is. His artwork is a reflection of his inner chaos, aimless and desperately shouting out a variety of conflicting messages while at the same time unified by the fact that it is a true representation of Ephemeral reality. He has also recently ventured into song writing and has been a huge success on the island, though when one stops to analyse his texts one realizes either that no two sentences actually make sense together, or that they carry no weight of destiny within them, though as a whole the arrangements are beguilingly rhythmic; the best way to enjoy his music is to switch off your intellect and just go with the flow.


Caritas is the local social worker. He is a brawny man capable of lifting the poor from their beds, the drunks from the gutters, the drowning from the waves. He received his training in Amaranth and was sent back to aid the struggling in Ephemeral, and to train other locals who choose to leave the employ of Ephemeral and become citizens of Amaranth. [One cannot work for Amaranth without being a citizen there; there are no such things as temporary work visas, or even black-market workers, though some might claim that status. Amaranthian citizens eventually relinquish their original homeland’s citizenship, meanwhile becoming dual citizens in the sense that they are in Ephemeral (though not of Ephemeral) until they make the final crossing to dwell permanently in Amaranth at retirement.]

As citizens of Amaranth living abroad, each is called upon to be an ambassador. As ambassadors they do not have their own opinions about such things as political or moral issues, but rather uphold their nation’s laws while seeking peaceful reconciliation; their task is not to compromise, but to reconcile, and they must learn to recognise that fundamental difference.

Caritas works closely with Paladin, the local defence advocate who has the unpopular task of being a spokesman for Amaranth. I say “unpopular” because he must be as straight as a compass, and that is oftentimes very uncomfortable for those who have no wish to be shown True North, the direction in which The Crossing is located from the village. As the local legal system is rife with favouritism, prejudice against citizens of Amaranth, and wide-spread corruption, Paladin must stand in the gap for those unable to recognize the injustice around them. He is especially a thorn in the side for Pelf, and has been a frequent character in satirical works by Pseudo, though because of his noble character secretly attracts Narcia, though she would never admit it as that would undermine her public opinion of The Crossing.

Ransom is the local life guard. Before making the Crossing himself he was one of the most violent men on the island, and with a wicked tongue. Miraculously, when he crossed the Bridge his vile tongue withered, much to even his own relief. It left him speechless in terms of words, but his silent witness became all the more powerful as islanders had known his cruel voice and now marvelled at his quiet bearing. The Amaranthian government interferes in the lives of the Ephemeral citizens in as much as they send people like Ransom back to live among them.

He was given this task by the Amaranthian government precisely because he cannot speak; it is the responsibility of each individual to come to recognize just what they were saved from; otherwise the next cliff they come to will produce the same results. Telling those numbed to the circumstances in which they find themselves will do no good, and the last Amaranthian to have his job grew weary of well-doing because he rebuked them and cajoled them until he was blue in the face, to no avail.

His is a thankless job for the most part: The people of Ephemeral believe that if a person wants to walk where they walk, they have chosen that way and therefore fate will be on their side; they don’t believe in cliffs. However, they just happen to live on an island surrounded by a pitfall of precipitous cliffs growing ever more dangerous as the island falls into the Sea of Immortality. Many of the inhabitants, after being pulled back just before walking off the edge, become irate with Ransom for interrupting their nice walk, their i-pod listening pleasure, their bottle of wine, or their reveries of popular philosophy. Occasionally, however, he is reminded of why he’s there by the reaction of those who wake from the slumber of Ephemeral, and thank him for saving their lives. It is at that point that he leads them to the foot of the Crossing.

How do you think it continues?
Please give your ideas in the comment section of this website's blog (not Facebook)!

Cast:
Amaranth – From Greek
amarantos, “unfading”
Ephemeral – From Greek
ephemeros, literally “lasting only one day”
Narcia – From Greek
narcissism, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.
Pelf – From Old French
pelfre, “spoil, booty”; informal term for money or wealth.
Pseudo – Greek, used to mark something as false, fraudulent, or pretending to be something it is not.
Caritas – Latin, meaning “charity” – one of the three theological virtues.
Paladin – From Latin
palatinus, “palace official”, or “warrior”
Ransom – From Latin
redemptionem, “a redeeming”




© Stephanie Hüsler 2010
Photo: Taken by Stefan on a hike here in Switzerland

Monday, 21 December 2009

Christmas Reflections


As a child, many of my memories of Christmas were of the family gathering together, cousins and practical jokes, and grandpa mysteriously vanishing each time “Santa” showed up; I was always concerned that he was going to get in big trouble for daring to sit in my grandfather’s favourite chair. There was a row of red stockings above the fireplace, and a row of cousins all dressed in grandma’s creations of candy cane-striped PJs; the dinners spread out on a long table decked to the rim for adults, and another table far enough away for the kids. There was a childish desire to become old enough to move to the adult table, eventually replaced by tactics to avoid being promoted away from the “fun” table as we got older. How else was I to learn that green beans were the perfect size for my cousin’s nose?...

All of my most precious memories are about relationships: One year my father spent months in secret building a miniature model of our 2-storey home, complete with wooden panelling painted the same colour, and scraps of the same carpet and wall papers. My mother once made me the entire Winnie the Pooh cast of characters as stuffed animals. The love shown by those homemade gifts and the time and energy they represented were what made them special.

Some memories of Christmas have more to do with place than people. I remember riding on a bus in the Philippines in December 1986: It was around 90°F, as humid as a rain forest, and over the radio with typical Asian displacement of Ls and Rs came the song, “Chestnuts loasting on an open file; Jack Flost nipping at youl nose...”. I’ve spent a Christmas camped along a New Zealand coast, complete with our own personal seal on the beach next to our motor home. I’ve spent many Christmases in a cacophony of languages, as my husband’s family speaks in their mother tongues of Swiss-German, English, French and Spanish, with Italian as a bridge between the latter two. I don’t think I got a word in edge-wise for the first 3 or 4 years!

My first Christmas in Europe was a rather bleak one: I was in Scotland, living in the Cheviot Hills miles from the nearest village. Though I was on a missions base that normally housed around 30 people, most were either abroad on outreach or had gone home for the holidays. The base was empty but for one man who remained a recluse the entire week, and a family who had tragically lost their husband and father only months before; the mother was trying to put on a brave face for her two young boys. That experience of loneliness was an important one for me; it gave me a taste of what those without family feel around such times of the year, and since that time we’ve always tried to open our home to those alone on holidays, to have a place to call home, even if only for a day.

What is Christmas to you? Whether or not it was the historical birthday of Jesus, it’s a time to celebrate His birth and to remember that He came to this earth to give us the greatest gift of all: Himself. He came to live in humility, to show us how to live life in the grace (the power) of God, and then laid down His life as a sacrifice, to enable us to have a life to give back to Him, and to give to those around us. The more I become aware of that reality, the more my focus moves away from myself and my concerns, and reminds me to reach out to those around me. It’s not just about what we do at Christmas; giving is something we can and should do throughout the year. Learn to be aware of the needs of those around you, and actively participate with God in meeting those needs. To me that’s Christmas, living in our hearts and through our lives.

So I wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy Christmas, a time to become a blessing, and to reflect on the most tremendous gift of all, and to all: Christ.
© 2009 Stephanie Hüsler

Monday, 14 December 2009

Cocoons


Have you ever had the privilege of watching the changes made as a caterpillar becomes a butterfly? When I was living in England briefly (home, being Scotland), one spring day a caterpillar crawled onto my window ledge. I’m sure that chubby wee caterpillar had never fretted because it couldn’t fly; there were no expectations on it to do so... rather, up to that moment it had spent its life doing what it did best: Eating. And eating. That task well done was about to pay off. And now it just sat, unmoving, for several hours.

By inner criteria known only to itself, it began weaving a cocoon. Starting at the bottom and working its way toward its head, round and round it spun the silk, layer for layer, before finally sealing off the last gap. As the soft fibres began to harden patience had to set in, for the caterpillar as well as for myself.

For what seemed an eternity, nothing happened. And then... nothing happened. Days and days went by; my inspection began to be more of a fleeting glance than an expectant waiting. I’d nearly given up, thinking something must have gone wrong in the process. But one Saturday morning, when I had nothing to do but watch, it began to move. The struggle was hidden beneath the cocoon’s hard surface, but I could tell someone was alive in there! Eventually it began to split open, slowly. The struggle continued, but now I could catch a glimpse of squirming colour. I was so tempted to help the little creature, but I knew I shouldn’t: it was that very struggle that would help it develop the right muscles to enable it for its new life of flight.

Soon, it had completely freed itself from the cocoon, but its wings were still crumpled, wet and soft. It had more patience and waiting ahead of it, but the patience required in the cocoon had been a bit of a helpless kind, when the changes were beyond the understanding or the influence of the caterpillar, and all it could do was submit itself to the process. But this new situation required active waiting: It began cleaning and grooming itself meticulously, taught by its Creator in that cocoon of change what it would need to know for the new life beginning. Nearly an hour later it was at last able to spread its wings. Flapping, but holding on to the wooden window ledge, it was practicing. The wings weren’t quite dry or stable enough, but it was only a matter of minutes now.

The chubby green caterpillar had become a sleek colourful butterfly, and at last was able to spread its wings and take flight! A glorious moment! I can imagine the joy it must have felt, if caterpillars have such emotions, of that fulfilment of such longing, that recompense for such preparation, that reward for such patience.

I think the applications to our own lives are clear enough, and numerous. There are times in our lives when we feel like we’re not going anywhere, just crawling along and accomplishing nothing more than working and eating and sleeping. We may have a vision for our lives, but it is either buried deep within yet to be discovered, or it seems impossible to reach. Dreams delayed, hopes deferred. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life...is sweet to the soul (:19a).” That image of a tree of life harkens back to the garden of Eden, to a time before sin drove Mankind from God’s pure presence. For Christians, we learn to recognize those moments when we feel God reaching into our lives and working on our behalf, being able only to witness the changes beyond our own power and know that it’s God and God alone that can bring such metamorphoses about in our hearts and situations. Those are glimpses of unbroken fellowship with our Creator, and the closer we pull into Him, the more such intimate moments we will find ourselves in. That is when we begin to spread our wings and fly.

© 2009 Stephanie Hüsler
Photo Credits: Cocoon - Greyson Orlando, WikiCommons / Butterfly - by Kenneth Dwain Harrelson, Wikipedia

Monday, 30 November 2009

Book Covers


1. Samuel 16:7b says “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Everyone’s heard the adage, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”; but how often do we do it anyway? Publications graphics is a multi-million dollar business. I had a close call with a pickpocket and thief in a London tube station; he was dressed like an honest businessman complete with briefcase and tie so that people would trust him with their suitcases as he offered to “help” while they bought tickets. We have sayings like “feathers make the bird”; “keeping up with the Joneses”. Appearance, in the world’s system, is everything.

I’ve met some handsome people who, when I scratched below the surface, turned out to be empty and shallow, afraid to have an opinion of their own in case it wasn’t “in”. On the other hand I’ve gotten to know a few people who, on the surface, might not fulfil any of the world’s criteria for success; they weren’t initially attractive, didn’t necessarily have an interesting job, and wore what suited them whether it was fashionable or not. But they were full of surprises and turned out to be fascinating!

I remember an incident from my time at college: I had a few hours between classes one semester, so I decided to see if I could help someone else with that time; I was put in contact with a blind law student who had advertised in the cafeteria for a reader. His voice was clearly the pronunciation and cadence of a Caucasian, a soft, warm, one could almost say a “slender” voice. We found mutual interests in that first phone call, as he was a sax player in a jazz band and I was a vocal student singing in a jazz sextet. We decided to meet up so that I could read for him, but when I drove toward the address he’d given me I realized that it was deep in the heart of the ghetto... not the place you’d find the man I’d pictured from the voice, and the slender Caucasian turned out to be a corpulent African American! We had a good laugh about the mistaken identity, which he confessed wasn’t entirely wrong – he’d been raised in a blind school where he learned his accent and speech patterns from predominantly Caucasian teachers. I never ceased to be amazed in all the time I knew him how little his slender white voice reflected his outer appearance!

Who knows what treasures await you beneath the surface? Discernment and openness will go a long way toward enriching your life.

© Stephanie Hüsler

Photo: Taken 30.11.09 for this article

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Broken Eggshells

The following thoughts were written over a year ago; I have hesitated in sharing them as this was written just after this friendship was lost, but I share them now in the hopes that it will help someone else think through the reasons for lost friendships, whether they are the one walking the path, or the one strewing eggshells...

I used to call someone a friend, but lately I’ve begun to take stock, and that word is too precious to apply to this acquaintance any longer. I got tired of the aerobics required to maintain any semblance of healthy contact. It’s not that I lightly throw away friendships; as a matter of fact I can tell you of exactly two incidents in my adult life that has been the case, and both were a long process of attempted reconciliation, trying to understand and be understood; but too many one-sided demands and conditions were required by the other person for me to continue; with time I realized that “friend” no longer applied, and that I was neither required nor willing to comply.

Let’s call this acquaintance X: When X says they “take everything literally“, and are thus easily offended, it effectively puts the responsibility to change on the shoulders of the offender. However, if the phrase is instead used, “I take everything personally”, it is much more accurate, laying the responsibility to change (not be offended) at the door of the one so easily offended = X. Taking offence is a controlling device: Keep people dancing to your tune, ego-centrically putting your feelings centre stage, ignoring the fact that selfishness is a graver offense than misunderstood words. Being offended is purely a matter of choice: If X chooses to trust that the speaker has good intentions, X won’t be hurt; if X chooses not to trust, they booby-trap the path… they spread out eggshells, expecting them to get stepped on. And if that’s the case it won’t be long until the person walking their path with them eventually falls behind – either they’ve grown weary of bending over backwards, tip-toeing around X’s fragile ego and find it easier to go on without X, or they’ve decided to sit it out until X cleans up the path enough to move forward together at a natural pace.

If X stops and looks back at their life they will see that the wayside is littered with casualties: Their friendships that have soured, cooled, or died. The stumbling stones and eggshells along the path are their own wounds, attitudes and viewpoints that only take themselves into consideration. Whether their condition remains the same or changes is up X and X alone, because it is all about choice.

True friendship means speaking the truth in love, not getting out of the way. But it takes two to tango: If X wants to be offended there is nothing anyone can really do about it, and in the end they will become isolated and lonely – unless they find an equally dysfunctional person who takes pleasure in offending, or one who needs to apologize constantly to make them feel that they are being a good person; in either case they will have met their match. Each person’s choices pave the way either toward reason and maturity and freedom, or bitter blaming and casting stones.

Let’s take a look at the Biblical definition of friendship:

Psalm 142:5 - “Let a righteous man strike me – it is a kindness; let him rebuke me – it is oil to my head. My head will not refuse it.”
Proverbs 27:6 - “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
1. Corinthians 13:4, 5 - “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.”

1. Timothy 4:3 could also be applied; If you gather round you a group of friends that only tell you what you want to hear & how you want to hear it, you’re in danger. If people around you don’t feel free to rebuke you in love, it could mean different things:
1) They don’t know you well enough to get close enough, and you’re not that high up on their priority list anyway so they can afford not getting closer.
2) They’ve tried to get close, got handed a laundry list of energy-consuming conditions and possible offences, and pulled away to a safe distance, just out of firing range.
3) The people who offend you by speaking the truth in love have been sidelined by you, marginalized or rationalized away from your mental friendship list.
4) Those people left around you are either too afraid to offend, or have simply given up, content to remain on damage-control duty and eggshell-cleanup duty.

How I respond to exhortation, and even things I deem offensive, makes or breaks my friendships and encourages or discourages my own growth, my own learning curve. A true friend will use tough love when called for. But if the person being rebuked won’t accept it, they may make the mistake of writing that friend off, thus throwing away one of the most valuable treasures on this earth. Friendships are those fragile flowers growing along our paths of life. But if they remain fragile they will never survive the reality of fallen humanity on the road to redemption.


© 2009 Stephanie Hüsler

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons, Goldmund100